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Why do I remember…

Have you ever wished you could forget?  Forget something that hurt you so much, something that you know will never change.. What’s the point of the memory? Being Bipolar I have times when I remember.. I remember the person who never had a bad day, a person who could conquer the world in 5 minutes, the person who never slept and never felt tired.. The person who got so drunk, till this day I don’t remember what happened. (More than once) I think the purpose of some memories are to keep you from EVER doing those things you regret again. I’ll keep those memories fresh in my mind so I can

#FuxMentalHealth

Keep ‘Day’ Dreamin’

I love to dream.. Especially day dream.. There are times when I can’t keep my thoughts from racing… It’s a challenge to tie my shoes and hum a tune because I have no space in my OWN mind.. Using day dreams is my way of taking control of my mind. Filling it with hopes and wishes, or just anything but my usual… ‘Make a lefts’, Lol that’s what I call my racing thoughts and voices.. The ‘Make a lefts’ are so annoying I would do anything to just….. #FUXMENTALHEALTH

What do I know?!

When I start a sentence with ‘Hi, I have a Mental Health illness.’ Some people would either check out on me mentally or start thinking…. ‘Where is the nearest exit? ‘I hope she doesn’t realize I have one too!’ Of course the last one is my personal favorite.. In society we limit each other and ourselves just by thinking and not allowing others and ourselves a safe space to be vocal… To be 1000% honest I am full of fear. So full that living my life is uncomfortable BUT I think it’s time for things to change.. What do I know? If my fear should die and hope live then maybe I can finally #FUXMENTALHEALTH

 

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The pain you never knew you had……

A dear family member of mine passed away recently…. I never knew the pain I would feel… The only thing that keeps me going are memories. Remember the great moments in life.. Learn from the tough moments in life.. Walk in as much peace that life allows.

#FUXMENTALHEALTH

Value.. How do you assess value?

For someone with a Mental health illness it’s a great question. So many times our lives, personality, hopes and dreams are wrapped up in our illness. It can be so difficult to assess your value in a relationship, at work, within yourself because our illness and society tells us we are less. I don’t have all the answers but I can say this. We have to fight to always know there is value within us. Yes I know. ‘I am lucky to have good people in my life.’ And true but you have to know it’s something good about you. No one accepts something or someone without knowing it’s value there. Life is a trade off. You give me some seeds, I give you some fruit when it grows. When we view ourselves with value, and not a pity party then we can show ourselves and others that our worth isn’t just to exist. It’s value inside of all of us! Sometimes with Mental health it’s not so obvious because of the other things that come with it.. But if I can find the time to #FUXMENTALHEALTH then I can find the time to

#FUXMENTALHEALTH

Who would have thought I get you? Me!

Yes that question can be a statement as well. Who would have thought I get you (Bipolar 1)? Why not? Just like people are born with talents like singing, dancing, juggling… Why can’t I be born with Bipolar 1 and be excited? I have hard days, a lot. I have great days, a lot. Days where I want them never to end… Then days where I can’t wait til the end. So it sounds like i’m lucky.. Half the time… It doesn’t matter, this is ME. It’s who I am! I am a gift, a treat, something special. We all are! So when your hear the saying ‘just my luck’ think of us and #FUXMENTALHEALTH.

Look at me.. Really look at me!

For many years I have struggled with my self image. Having a mental health illness sometimes it’s hard to find yourself ‘outside’ your illness. It is not ANYONE else’s job to tell me who I am or what I am allowed to be. I am a strong person. I am a start person. I am a thoughtful person. I am a Bipolar Person. If you look at me and take advantage of that or try not to acknowledge that then your not looking at me…. I am a mess for sure. Clumsy, forgetful, absent minded. BUT… We have value, we are not here to make you feel better. SO FUX YOU!

While I….

FUXMENTALHEALTH

Can I really have two opposite opinions simultaneously?

That question sounds very strange, wrong, confusing… I totally understand. WELCOME TO MY WORLD! Yes, there are days when my opinions are conflicting and I feel strongly about both at the same time.. I am laughing while writing this because I just don’t get it.. At the core of me I know I work hard, try to be the best I can be but sometimes it’s just overshadowed by things like this… ‘I hate coffee, can I have a latte please.’ lol lol #FUXMENTALHEALTH

Was that a green cat, or am I seeing things???

For a person that suffers from Mental health illness that’s a great question… Am I seeing things? Am I hearing things? It can be so difficult at times to decipher reality because my mind can create things that are not there.  It is kind of amazing when you really think about it… But not so much when you live within it. I try to live outside my mind because at times my mind is unreliable… Yes I did say that, I cannot always trust my own thoughts and feelings. But when I take the time to breathe, my mind starts to slow down. I can gather myself enough to say #FUXMENTALHEALTH

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Is honesty the BEST policy??

That’s a good question. Think about it. I mean really….. Honesty… For us that suffer with Mental health illness honesty is relative. Honest for me at the wrong time can sound just as good as a lie. Honest for me can devastate me. Let’s run through some ‘honest’ scenarios.

Doctor- You have Bipolar I disorder

Me- OK, what does that mean?

Doctor- Honestly, you will have to take this medicine for the rest of your life. 

I am not disputing the truth and I do appreciate it but sometimes it’s hard to see and swallow. Honestly, I just wana FUXMENTALHEALTH……

#FUXMENTALHEALTH